Apologies and a second blog

So I have been out of commission for the past six months due to my own general apathy for the blogging game. I am going to try and get back into that. That said I wanted to let everyone know that while I will keep posting here about stuff going on in my day to day life I have created a second blog to focus on politics, the law and religious issues. I don't plan for it to have much to do with me or my life but more as an attempt at joining the liberal blog-o-sphere. The site: http://www.todayisthefuture.blogspot.com. Take a looks folks, see what you think. More to come on my personal life including work, law school admissions, love life and an impending cross country trip.

Beautiful in my eyes

She told me last night that her father thinks it's interesting that I don't see her situation as a negative. I understand where he's coming from because I think the vast majority of my gender would but I take a great sense of pride in knowing that I am not in that vast majority. Cancer isn't who she is, it's what she has, right now, for this little bit of time. She asked me when we first started talking how I felt knowing that she was bald at the moment, I don't care about her hair, I care about her heart and soul, her mind, those are things I've fallen head over heels for. I know she thinks about me a lot during the day and I can't stop thinking about her. We talked for a bit last night, which I know was hard on her voice and for some bothersome reason my emails haven't been going through. But hopefully today she'll get some help from her doctor to control the nausea, she's got chemo again tomorrow but she'll have the weekend to recover and I'll be spending most of the weekend at home on the phone with her G-d willing.

Looks like we may be taking control of some new marketing strategies which makes me very happy.

Best Governor Anne Richards quote of all time "Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, she just did it backwards......and in high heels" Rest in Peace Governor.

I've been drinking way too much coffee lately but it's either drink coffee or go face down at my desk, I'll choose the former for the time being.

Kudos to Lindsay Graham, John Warner and John McCain for standing up the Bush Administration with respect to allowing the CIA to torture prisoners. These are not exactly moderates yet they are standing for their convictions and I think it's always worth respecting that irrespective of the party affiliation.

So many other world events to comment on but much of it is just too depressing, whether it's the Taliban taking over Afghanistan again, the executions in Iraq or the Columbine-esque shootings in Montreal. Man's inhumanity to man never ceases to amaze me.

By the way, I hadn't realize this was an Abbie Hoffman quote but it's very profound and I've heard it used many times. "You measure a democracy by the freedom it gives its dissidents, not the freedom it gives its assimilated conformists."

Better days

I have had better days, I've had worse days too. Let's start with the fact that I apparently aggravated my hamstring at the gym last night. First off, until I did it I didn't know where a hamstring was so in a way it's nice to know that I exerted myself enough to actually cause a strain. In that spirit I put on a shirt this morning (despite how sore my arms are) that hasn't fit in well over a year and that felt great. I'm not going to sit here and say it fits perfectly, but I can wear it again. Have had some stomach issues the last day or so, not sure what that's about but something like that has been going around the office so hopefully it'll pass.

Have another candidate that seems to be seriously in play for an in-house opportunity so that's great. It is very interesting to compare our recruiting practices with those of our larger competitors. I'd really like to to know what it feels like to have resumes coming into us instead of having to go begging for them via cold calls.

I hate chemo days, not as much as she does obviously, but I know that in several weeks the chemo will be over and she'll be ok, I have complete faith in that. It really is amazing to feel as loved as she makes me feel.......and to literally leap for the phone when it rings, hoping it's her on the other end. I do love her and I find myself constantly trying to think of new ways to make her smile.

River of dreams

I've had some very interesting nights lately. I've spent much of them worrying about her but when I actually have been asleep I've had some surreal dreams. A few nightmares in which I was actually seeing the world with the vision I had prior to my surgery in May and in the dreams I thought I was awake so I kind of convinced myself I'd lost the eyesight, that was terrifying. But I've also had some amazing dreams, about her mostly just hearing her voice, or sitting on a bench overlooking Portland Harbor back in Maine. Sleep has not come easily lately, but it's eventful when it does.

I'll admit it, I'm lousy at compartmentalizing. I can't separate pieces of my life and I am not at all good at leaving worry in whatever ever sphere of life it would be in. Whether it's this candidate I'm working with who is perhaps the least conversationally gifted litigator I've ever met or something else at the office. Whether I'm worried about the safety of my sister's new job or most especially whether something has happened to Bri I just can't shut my mind off. I'm a neurotic Jew, worrying is one of the things I do best, along with my over-developed sense of guilt of course.

Back in college I seldom actually went to class and I'm in that pattern again with the LSAT prep, that's partly because I find it beyond useless and partly because just don't think I'm a natural student. As always I'd rather dive in head first than have someone give me swimming lessons. This may be an indicator that I am not as ready to consider law school as I thought I was.

I'm in love, all the worry and concern in the world can't change that and I feel like I could fly, I can't stop smiling or thanking G-d.

She's got a way about her

"She's got a way about her I don't know what it is But I know that I can't live without her She's got a way of pleasin' I don't know what it is But there doesn't have to be a reason anywhere She's got a smile that heals me I don't know why it is But I have to laugh when she reveals me She's got a way of talkin' I don't know why it is But it lifts me up when we are walkin' anywhere She comes to me when I'm feelin' down Inspires me without a sound She touches me and I get turned around She's got a way of showin' How I make her feel And I found the strength to keep on goin' She's got a light around her And everywhere she goes A million dreams of love surround her everywhere She's got a smile that heals me Oh I don't know why it is But I have to laugh when she reveals me anyway"

Those words are, as any Billy Joel fan already knows, not mine. They do however sum up Bri nearly perfectly.


When you have to watch people you truly care about go through something like this it damn near breaks your heart but you have hope and faith that everything will be ok. Just waiting to get that call or that email three days a week saying "I'm here, I'm feeling as well as I can" time feels like an eternity just praying.

I'm 28 years old and for the first time, I know where I belong, really belong, beyond a shadow of a doubt........she is my home.

Those of you who know me probably are convinced I've lost my mind/gone off the deep end. Hell, we know this is a bit crazy, we acknowledge it to each other all the time but that doesn't mean it's wrong because it couldn't possibly feel more right.

Holdin' out for you

It's been a couple of weeks, life is crazy hectic at the moment with my personal trainer twice a week, LSAT prep twice a week and just a bit of general craziness which isn't such a bad thing.

Some sad news to report. Just about two weeks ago I was informed that an old friend from my college years passed away very unexpectedly. I wouldn't say that he and I were very close but I had a sense there was a good deal of mutual respect between us and loosing someone so young and so suddenly was very shocking. My prayers and thoughts are with the Williams family.

But, the reason for the title of this post. I met someone who makes me smile, a lot. I may have had some skepticism about jdate but that's where I met her and she makes me very happy, oh, and get this, she actually feels the same way which is amazing. Those who know me know that my track record is meeting someone I'm interested in and that interest being fully not returned so not only is this woman exactly the type of woman I've been dreaming about for years but she thinks I'm pretty great too and I can't even begin to express how that feels. Bri, if you're reading this, know that even while I was writing it, thinking about you made me smile.

Rosh Hashanah is fast approaching and I still haven't found a synagogue to join around here. There's no place that I really feel at home because most of the congregations around here as so "new age". Even the Conservative synagogue I'd gone to in SF would probably be considered Reform back East.

Work has been interesting, my partner on the legal recruiting team and I have finally been given a lot more independence by our CEO and that's certainly needed so I'm pretty happy. I haven't made another placement yet but I've had two offers go out in the last week and I fully expect another candidate to be flown out for a face to face after passing a phone screen. One of the candidates who is sitting with an offer is driving me a bit batty but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she takes the offer. We'll see, somehow I think it'll all work out but I have to say this whole "Draw on commission" thing scares the ever-lovin-shite outta me.

Just another manic Monday

As per usual the weekends fly by way too fast but, such is life. Watched V for Vendetta on NetFlix this weekend. I'm a little dumbstruck that, while there are clearly many parallels to modern times, very few people seem to notice the pretty obvious Nazi allusions. even the name of the "high chancellor" and his appearance eschew images of Hitler. Good flick though, and I'll probably always view the fifth of November a little differently now.

Went out to lunch yesterday with JB and his parents. He's in town for a few days while USC is still on summer break. They, like everyone else I know, with precious few exceptions, seem very supportive of my idea of going to law school even if very surprised at what I intend to practice once I get out. Also had lively political banter about what Lieberman's loss means, and about Israel's present situation. They all had the overtly left-wing take while I think I have a slightly more a. rational and b. practical take on the issues. They argue we need liberal angst and anger to mobilize the electorate in the fall elections. I don't think that the average person, when they go into a voting booth, will vote for someone because of they are not, but rather because of who they are. While Bush and his policies i.e. Iraq and the economy are clearly fair game, and while we can't be afraid to go negative when we know the GOP won't hesitate to do so, we also MUST articulate a clear and strong message about what we are for, not just what we are against.

More LSAT prep tonight. With an early meeting at the office every Monday and 4 hours of class every Monday night the first day of the week is a very long one.